Talk to Tyler

admin August 13, 2013 Comments Off on Talk to Tyler
Talk to Tyler

 

Kids… What goes through a Man’s Mind when dating a woman with more than one? (And he doesn’t have any)

When a man has no kids and he’s dating or thinking about dating a woman with more than one, there are a few things that he thinks about. Before he even decides to date her, he looks at how she treats her kids. What’s the relationship like between her and her kids? If I’m dating a woman with more than one kid and her children are never around, like they are always with the grandparents, godparents, auntie, uncle, or whomever, it makes me think she doesn’t have her priorities in order. Now I’m not saying that she can’t get help with watching her kids, but if she has time to go out every weekend she should have time to watch her kids. If you have more than one child, you shouldn’t be in the club every weekend, unless you work at the club. You can go out and enjoy yourself, especially if you have that support behind you from family who doesn’t mind watching your kids, by all means enjoy yourself, but that shouldn’t be every weekend! No man wants his wife/ girlfriend to be out every weekend and that’s especially if you have kids.

The next thing that goes through our minds is: babydaddies.  (I hate that word; let’s call them “children’s fathers”). You’re tied to the man that fathered your kids for life, so we know it’s a package deal when dating you. If  he’s crazy, it will do nothing but put a strain on your relationship. Period! Some men don’t want to put up with that. The drama between you and your children’s father(s) can put so much stress on you that it affects your moods towards the man you’re dating either directly or indirectly. I know some of you say it doesn’t, but it does. If your child’s father makes it known that his number one priority is your child and he doesn’t cross the line with you then that’s one less issue you’ll have in your relationship. As long as you don’t mention how your child’s father still flirts with you, still wants you and whatnot. No man wants to hear that.  Some women make the mistake of thinking that telling your current man about when you’re child’s father flirts with you is being open and honest. It is being honest but that’s not going to help your relationship with him, he may trust you, but he doesn’t want to hear all of that. He doesn’t come home and tell you about all the girls that tried to talk to him and he turned them down.  That’s an unnecessary issue that can be avoided. He trusts you until you give him a reason not to, so you should handle that appropriately, he doesn’t need to know about it.

Another thing that factors into your current relationship is how your children behave. Frankly speaking, if you have some bad ass children a man with no kids is less likely to want to start a relationship with you. I’m not saying your kids have to be smart as a whip or saints but if little Timmy and Tonya are starting fires, cursing, kicking dogs and breaking things, he’s not going to want to be with you. It will be evident to him that you don’t have control over your kids. Most likely he isn’t going to be able to see himself as a stepfather to them. We know kids are going to be kids and they are going to get in trouble, but if he/she are cursing you out, talking back and hitting you, we don’t want to insert ourselves into that situation. I hit kids when they hit me, and I know that may be a problem with you if I lay my hand on your kids. Respect is something I demand from everybody, so to avoid an issue, that’s a relationship we’ll probably stray away from.

The most important thing is how you incorporate us into your life with your kids. Taking care of one kid is time consuming, so we understand taking care of multiple kids is even more tax on your time. But we still want, need and crave time ourselves, without it, our relationship won’t grow. We know that we won’t always be able to spend time with you alone, so you should find creative ways to include us in some of the time you spend with your kids, especially if you actually see a future with who you’re dating. (If you don’t, he probably shouldn’t even meet your kids in the first place). If you see a future with this man, include him. It gives him a look at how life is going to be if you two happen to get married. It also, builds up his relationship with your kids, and it shows your kids you really care about this man. A good man will play his role, playing the background for a while until he builds the relationship with your kids to where he can actually give them guidance not disciple and they don’t mind talking to him. You want a man around your kids that sets a good example, a good man to look up to, a man that respects you and care for you as well as your kids. Even if their father(s) are good men, show them mommy doesn’t settle and this is how you should be treated and how they should treat a woman.  Its important they see that example because you’re the biggest influence in their lives, and if they see that mom let’s a man disrespect her, your daughter(s) will most likely (not in all cases) choose a similar man or your son(s) will think that this is how they are suppose to treat women.

It’s also important that you show your man how much he means to you. On those seldom alone times, treat your man and make him feel special. We like that too. Now your man should do the same for you as well. But since I’m writing from a man’s point of view I have to focus on you. If you have more than one kid, more than likely he’s not with you because of your goodies, especially if you two have been together for a while; he’s with you because he loves you. You may not realize it but he’s making sacrifices to be with you. He could probably get more time, goodies, dates and overall less stuff to deal with, with someone else, but he loves you, so all of those things don’t even factor into his mind.

It’s important that you show him how much you love him, enjoy him and appreciate the things he does for you mentally and physically.  As long as you show your man how much appreciation you have for him, he should have no problem showing you the same thing and your relationship may not be prefect but you’ll be able to work out any problems that may occur. A man will treat you anyway you let him treat you, and that doesn’t depend on if you have kids or not. If you let yourself be disrespected, he’ll disrespect you, if you let yourself be a side piece, you’ll forever be a side piece. As long as you respect yourself and take care of your business he has no choice but to respect you and always come at you correctly because you won’t have it any other way! The number of kids won’t matter. With all that said, you can have the worst kids in the world, craziest child’s father(s), and the most dysfunctional lifestyle ever, if that man is for you, he’ll accept all of that. Never choose a man over your kids. The man that’s for you will look past all of that.

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